I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
