I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
