Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
