i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
