based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
