i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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