drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
