i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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