I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
