what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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