I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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