dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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