my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
