You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
