Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
