I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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