Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
