this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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