I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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