No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
