They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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