I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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