apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
