I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
