32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
