explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize