Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize