i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize