Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
