I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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