Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
