We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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