I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
