Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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