Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
