I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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