the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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