so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my sisters under your porch take her home
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
