Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
