remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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