He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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