Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
