Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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