Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
