who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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