I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mom said you looked used
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
