I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
