I'm going to jail i love you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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