the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
