You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
