If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
