I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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