Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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