Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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