don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
