its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
