i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
