my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
