well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
