We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
