like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
