She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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