It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
