i just wanna soil my oats bro
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
