It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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