is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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