the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home