how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?