are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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