I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.