Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
