he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
