i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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