he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
