as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
