Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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