i was rollin on her like bob the builder
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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