There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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