Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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