I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
