hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
