his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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