If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
